This is a newspaper article about Scott that he participated in with the Durango Herald.
Now, while he has good days and bad days, Scott Singer manages his life with medication, knowledge about his bipolar condition and support from the Southwest Colorado Mental Health Center.
Singer agreed to share his story in order to illustrate how help is available for those such as himself who struggle with depression and related mental-health issues.
"I thought it was normal to think about suicide," Singer said in a recent interview. "In high school, I came close to actually doing it - probably over something to do with a girlfriend."
While he didn't act on the impulse, Singer said, he kept the option in the back of his mind.
"I always knew that if things got bad enough, suicide was an option," said Singer, the network administrator for a Durango business.
The good day/bad day rollercoaster, accompanied by suicidal thoughts, became a way of life. A little more than a year ago Singer couldn't sleep.
"I told my wife I was deeply depressed and was considering suicide, and I gave her a bottle of sleeping pills I had bought.
"I had contemplated suicide many times, but this was the worst - and the first time I had admitted it to anyone," Singer said. "I went to my physician for severe depression - without admitting suicidal thoughts - and got antidepressants."
Catherine Lambert, president of the Southwest Colorado chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, said Singer's way of handling the situation is typical of men in America.
"The male psyche has learned that to be 'successful' he must be in control at all times," Lambert said. "He is silently encouraged by societal norms to hide his feelings. As he tries to cope with his sickness without adequate help, he may experience addictions `85 and even suicide as a result."
Singer's medication worked for a time, but in a couple of months his condition seemed worse.
He learned later after being diagnosed as bipolar II - in his case the manic stage is not so extreme but the depression is worse - that antidepressants alone were not the remedy he needed and could even exacerbate his disorder.
An argument with his wife one night in May 2006 pushed him over the brink.
Singer left the house, stopping at City Market to buy a flashlight and a bottle of NyQuil. He drove north of town to a marker in honor of his outdoorsman brother, Jeff, who was killed in a highway accident while riding his motorcycle in northern Mexico in February 2000.
There Singer consumed half a bottle of alcohol, the NyQuil and the contents of a new bottle of sleeping pills he had stashed. The concoction didn't have the intended result. He awoke the next morning disoriented, hallucinating and barely able to walk - just before his sister-in-law located him.
After 10 days at the West Slope Mental Health Stabilization Center in Grand Junction, Singer was released on the condition that he consult a therapist at the Southwest Colorado Mental Health Center in Durango.
Singer moved to quash rumor and innuendo. He went public with his ordeal, informing co-workers by e-mail of what had happened.
Today, Singer takes four medications daily - an antidepressant, two mood stabilizers and an anti-anxiety pill.
"It was scary juggling medications because I wanted a quick fix," Singer said. "But the balance is much better now, and although I feel stable, there is room for improvement.
"There was a time when I didn't want help," Singer said. "I wanted to make my own decisions - like if suicide was the best for me.
"Now, I have the normal ups and downs, but as long as I feel stable, that's good," Singer said. "I'm open about my situation and empathetic, so if someone comes to me I'm willing to talk."
Lambert characterized Singer as a "true hero" for being frank about his condition.
"Men like Scott who tell their story for the benefit of others help tremendously to fight stigma and bring treatable disorders into the light. These stories help others seek the help they need," Lambert said. "Often a man's family isn't invited into his private pain. But as men learn to share their feelings and seek treatment for depression, there is hope for preventing many lurking problems for himself and his family.
"The best treatment for depression is cognitive therapy and medication. Family education is very important. Treated properly and consistently, there is a good chance for remission from depression sickness."
